


Christmas Gets Pixed

by twitchy_witch



Category: Hollows, Kim Harrison
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-11
Updated: 2010-12-11
Packaged: 2017-10-18 15:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchy_witch/pseuds/twitchy_witch





	Christmas Gets Pixed

**Christmas Gets Pixed**

Bis landed with a thump and crawled over the rooftop of his church in the darkness, looking for a nice place to settle in for the night. He'd been enjoying the myriad colored lights that adorned the houses, shining especially beautifully after the latest dusting of snow. The young gargoyle's claws clicked surely even though the sloped roof was slippery as slug-slime, his hot feet leaving a trail of little three-toed footprints.

He picked one of his favorite spots, a little niche near the front door where he could sit and leer at anyone who came by, and had just snapped his wings into position for a nice, long lurk when he heard the commotion. His tufted ears pricked. Rachel. Wow, she sounded pissed off about something!

Curious, he made his way into the kitchen, crawling along the ceiling noiselessly and trying to make out what Rachel was yelling, and whether or not she was really upset. She sounded pissed, but he couldn't understand her over the babble of pixie kid voices raised in excited shrieks and giggles. His ears drooped suddenly. _Bis, you rubble-brain…the Christmas gift exchange was tonight! You totally forgot!_ Tucking his tail between his legs, he turned on the camouflage and hoped that Rachel's shouting wasn't directed at him.

A swarm of Jenks' kids flew past, most of them oblivious to the gargoyle lurking above their heads. They carried a laughing Jenks by the arms and feet, and from their ultrasonic squeaking of, "Quick! Hide him!" Bis guessed that Jenks had been up to his usual hijinks.

The kids paused to consider the ceiling light nearby as a potential pixie hidey-hole, then saw the nearly invisible Bis. "Hide him for us!" they demanded, and Bis obligingly let Jenks clamber up between onto a wing before gently flattening it against the ceiling. The kids swirled noisily out to continue the charade of looking for a place to hide Jenks, just before Rachel came stomping into the kitchen with a can of sticky silk clutched in her hand.

"Where is that blasted pixie?" she demanded, spotting Bis. "I swear I am going to paste him to the mantle, wrap him in tinsel and hang him on the tree!"

Ivy and Glenn were howling with laughter in the next room. Bis stared at Rachel with wide, innocent eyes, then shrugged. He pointed a claw in the direction of the sanctuary. "He went that-a-way," he rumbled.

Lips pressed tight, either out of anger or to hide her grin, Rachel stormed out in hot pursuit, shouting, "I'm gonna glue you to that tree-topper angel in a compromising position and post it on the net, you little twerp! I'll dip you in catnip and feed you to Rex! Come _back_ here!"

"All clear?" Jenks asked a few moments later.

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"C'mon, let's hide somewhere warm and I'll tell you about it. Did you see her face?" Jenks fell off Bis' wing and hovered upside down, clutching his stomach as he giggled.

A brief search turned up a nice "somewhere warm" that would fit a gargoyle and a pixie-in-hiding nicely: the clothes dryer, having recently finished a cycle and still filled with warm fuzzy socks.

"I came up with a really good prank this year," Jenks explained, once they were firmly ensconced in the heap of toasty footwear. "So yesterday, I snuck under the tree and switched around all the gift tags. They figured it out right away, of course, but they went with it because it was hysterical. The best was when Ivy got a big bottle of chocolate sauce meant for me and the kids, and Glenn got a corset and garter set meant for Ivy instead-"

He paused as Bis snorted with laughter. "Shh!" Jenks said quickly. "Right, so then Ivy opened the silver-charmed handcuffs that Glenn got for Rachel, and we couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes. You know how Glenn gets all cute and embarrassed when we tease him and Ivy? The poor guy was so flustered he spilled eggnog everywhere."

Bid guffawed as quietly as he could, because it had been a running gag for the last month that Ivy and Glenn were into BSDM, and that Ivy was the dom. The couple had endured just about every joke involving leather and rivets and collars that could possibly be made, with varying levels of good grace.

"But what was the commotion about?" Bis asked finally, after Jenks had shared the rest of the highlights of the inappropriate gifts.

Jenks fell over again, unable to go on for giggling. Finally he wiped his eyes. "OK, so we're down to the last gift, and it's labeled 'To Ivy, from Rachel," and Ivy opens it warily, like there's going to be a snake in there or something. Instead she holds up this big honkin' ugly book without a title. And Rachel's like, "Oh shit, that was meant for _Al!_ " and we're all like, "W-T-F, you got _AL_ a Christmas gift?" So we're all teasing her for it, and she says she found this big fugly demon magic textbook that was all in, I dunno, Sumerian or something in her collection, and figures since she can't use it that maybe he'd like it, and anyway it was a nice neutral gift, right? And all the time she's trying like mad to figure out which gift is missing."

"Missing?"

"Meaning, which one did she give Al during her lesson earlier today?" Jenks clarified. "I mean, she used the same wrapping paper and she was in a hurry when he dropped her off, so I guess she didn't notice it was the wrong package. So she's staring around at all the unwrapped gifts, and suddenly she looks like she's just seen Santa shagging a reindeer, and totally freaks out all over the place!"

"Why?" asked Bis. "What present was missing?"

"Her gag gift to Ivy!" Jenks fell into more peals of laughter, and at that moment the dryer door was popped open.

"Gotcha!" Rachel cried. With an evil grin, she stuffed Jenks into a sock. She carried him off as he cursed and struggled and giggled uncontrollably.

"Wait! Wait! Which one was missing?" Bis called after her plaintively, but she didn't hear. A moment later, Bis heard the renewed cheer of spiked-eggnog-enhanced merriment from the living room, as Jenks got his just desserts. Bis shrugged and scampered after them to join in the fun.

 **Meanwhile, Somewhere In the Ever After**

A present? His itchy witch had gotten him a present?

Al stared at it suspiciously. She'd told him to wait when he'd dropped her off after her lesson, and had dashed into the church. She returned shortly after, and the sharp retort he'd been preparing died on his lips when she thrust a package into his hands. She mumbled something like, "Happy solstice, thanks for not doing me in or stealing my soul this year," before dashing away again.

Heh. It wasn't for lack of _trying_. Still, he supposed, she didn't have to know that. He tried not to be flattered, and wondered whether she was expecting a present in return. He hoped not. Women were notoriously difficult to please. Not to mention, only the worst kind of idiot would open a free gift from a _demon_ , after all.

Intrigued, he ripped off the wrapping paper. It was the first time he'd ever received a wrapped gift, and he tried not to think about the other wrappings he'd love to tear off. _Enough_ , he scolded himself. It was bad enough that the beautiful scent of his student still hung in the air, but indulging in pointless fantasy would only frustrate him, and he didn't want to have to dip into the curses again-

He stared in astonishment at the gift.

It couldn't be. He cocked his head, considering. A thoughtful gift, it would suit him perfectly in his usual attire, but…

Maybe he had been completely, utterly wrong and his itchy witch was trying to tell him to get on with the seduction already?

He grinned. Did it matter? He took the delicious black leather riding crop out of the tissue paper and drew a finger slowly down its length in appreciation, already counting the hours until next week's lesson.


End file.
